Sometimes God Speaks.

I know I've posted before about how I feel lonely since we've moved to the middle of nowhere in North Dakota. Usually, I can go about my day, and stuff that feeling deep down where I don't have to deal with it. But at night, when I can't sleep, it's harder to ignore.

I suffer from insomnia many nights, and when I do, I like to pray. It helps me to focus and resolve any issues in my own mind that might be keeping me from sleep. Last night was one of those nights. I couldn't sleep, and I was praying for my friends, and praying that I would find more IRL friends who believe the way I do about things. Because while I have a lot of wonderful friends online, I don't have that many where I live. And I feel lonely.

So I was telling God about how isolated I feel, living in the middle of a wheat field. I was watching the snow fall, and thinking about how I won't be able to go anywhere for a few days because of it. I was complaining to Him that I don't feel "at home" in our church; I don't agree with some of the theology and I can't stand the style of service; I always feel depressed after a Sunday service. I was having a hard time putting into words how I feel, and finally I gave up. I told God that I know He knows how I feel and what I need even better than I know. I asked Him to speak to me. I've heard His voice before, several times. I waited and listened, but didn't hear anything this time.

And then... I felt that I needed to turn on the radio, despite the fact that it was near midnight, and everyone else in the house was asleep. I got out my ipod and earbuds, and turned on the TuneIn Radio app, which is set to my favorite Christian station in Houston. And this was the song that was playing:

Sometimes God speaks audibly. And sometimes He speaks through the Bible. And sometimes He uses a song. I just need to learn to listen better. And I need to hold on to the promise that He is always with me, and I'm never alone.

What happens when you listen...

Okay, so the other day I was gripped with a compulsion to knit a lace shawl. I didn't have a particular one in mind, just a basic shape. I searched through the extensive database on knittingpatterncentral.com, but didn't find any that spoke to me. Then I looked in my own computer, for patterns I had downloaded and saved already. I found "Leaf Lace Scarf" by Janet Russell of twistedknitter.com. I love the lace pattern, but I didn't want a 6 inch wide scarf. And I didn't have any laceweight malabrigo anyway. So I grabbed my fingering weight recycled cotton(it used to be an enormous ribbed sweater) and my size 7 circular and started casting on. I decided to do 7 repeats of the lace pattern instead of 3, and I think I guessed right; it's over 24 inches wide. Perfect. And since I'm using size 7 needles, it's turning out very airy and drapey. I've gotten about 6 inches done.

Yesterday, as I was knitting, God brought to my mind my sister who is pregnant. She called me last week, telling me she had had some pre-term labor (27 weeks). With her previous pregnancy, she was in labor, off and on, for 6 weeks. This time it's started even earlier. She wanted to keep the news quiet for now, so her family wouldn't worry about her, but she told me because I was her prayer warrior last time. (Nobody I know in real life reads this blog yet, so it won't be an issue, me mentioning it here.) So I promised I would pray for her again this time. And God reminded me of that as I was knitting my lace shawl. So I prayed as I knitted. And it seemed as though He told me (not audibly, but it might as well have been) "This shawl is for her." So I'm knitting a shawl for my sister. And praying as I knit. I'm praying for a happy, uneventful pregnancy for her and a beautiful, healthy, full-term baby girl. Hopefully, I'll get the shawl done before June, so I can send it to her as a baby gift; I think it would make a lovely nursing cover-up.

And now I know that knitting this lace shawl (a type of project I had never even considered before) was not my idea at all. It's amazing what happens when we allow ourselves to listen to the inaudible voice of the Lord.