I know I've posted before about how I feel lonely since we've moved to the middle of nowhere in North Dakota. Usually, I can go about my day, and stuff that feeling deep down where I don't have to deal with it. But at night, when I can't sleep, it's harder to ignore.
I suffer from insomnia many nights, and when I do, I like to pray. It helps me to focus and resolve any issues in my own mind that might be keeping me from sleep. Last night was one of those nights. I couldn't sleep, and I was praying for my friends, and praying that I would find more IRL friends who believe the way I do about things. Because while I have a lot of wonderful friends online, I don't have that many where I live. And I feel lonely.
So I was telling God about how isolated I feel, living in the middle of a wheat field. I was watching the snow fall, and thinking about how I won't be able to go anywhere for a few days because of it. I was complaining to Him that I don't feel "at home" in our church; I don't agree with some of the theology and I can't stand the style of service; I always feel depressed after a Sunday service. I was having a hard time putting into words how I feel, and finally I gave up. I told God that I know He knows how I feel and what I need even better than I know. I asked Him to speak to me. I've heard His voice before, several times. I waited and listened, but didn't hear anything this time.
And then... I felt that I needed to turn on the radio, despite the fact that it was near midnight, and everyone else in the house was asleep. I got out my ipod and earbuds, and turned on the TuneIn Radio app, which is set to my favorite Christian station in Houston. And this was the song that was playing:
Sometimes God speaks audibly. And sometimes He speaks through the Bible. And sometimes He uses a song. I just need to learn to listen better. And I need to hold on to the promise that He is always with me, and I'm never alone.